It's been awhile, it's funny how I write more when life feels out of control or challenging. Everything has been going really well recently. Andrew has been trying to get me to take a break from life for about a year now, just take a few days and go recharge. I finally have taken him up on it, I have a 4 night/ 5 day trip booked and paid for now all i have left to do is pack and actually go. I've been really excited for months about it but this last week it's really hit me that I'll be going... and the kids and Andrew will be staying home.... enter the guilt.
It's not even so much guilt as I can't even really think of a word to describe it... I guess sadness and envy. I'm sad that I know deep down JJ could not handle a trip to Disney World right now. The noise, the people, the waiting, the buses it would all equal a lot of melt downs and not much fun for either of us. While booking the trip I fought with myself so much on whether I should bring him or not. I called to add him a few time and talked myself out of it. I know I made the right decision but it hurts knowing he can not handle it. I'm also so glad that I know my son well enough to know he can not handle it.
JJ has come so far in being able to tell me when something is over whelming for him. I'm beyond grateful for that. He is learning how to get out of a situation before a total melt down. I was going to being him to a local monster truck show this past weekend, the tickets where not exactly cheap. I decided before I bought them I would show JJ a video he watched it for a few seconds and told me it was to loud he did not want to go. So needless to say I'm glad I saved the money. You tube has become my best friend when it comes to prepping JJ for something. There is pretty much a video of everything we would ever do so I can see his response and figure out a game plan ahead of time.
This week i'll spend my time getting ready for my trip, making my lists, shopping for those last minute things. Getting all the kids stuff ready for me to be gone (even tho my wonderful husband has told me time and time again he knows where the grocery store is and knows how to put things in a cart and pay lol) I still feel bad if I leave him with a big to-do list while i'm off staying up late, sleeping in and enjoying meals.... while their still hot!
